and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
