She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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