i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
