All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize