Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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