oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
