you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
