I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sorry my hands just texted you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
