I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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