oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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