At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
