I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
