he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
