we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
