i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Welp...herpes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
