Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
