4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
