so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
