the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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