the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
