Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
