Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
