remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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