turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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