my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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