Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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