I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
