Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
