Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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