Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
