Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
