She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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