he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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