remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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