Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
