just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
