I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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