RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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