Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
