If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
