i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
