Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize