Are we in a gay sports bar?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
