WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just had sex bonerless
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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