Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize