If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
