I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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