Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
