I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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