I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
