69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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