So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
