Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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