hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
