I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
