I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if i died would you start the facebook group?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
