i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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