I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
