Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
