what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
