there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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