wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
3 2 1 whiskey
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
