You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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