im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
