I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
