can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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