ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize