I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
