Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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