I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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