Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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