Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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