i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
