yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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