I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
