Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
