well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
