Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
