turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
